Onism Part 3 aka Wasted Potential

I ask myself
Why is there a shell?
Around my brain
Driving me insane
I know the answer
And I should bother
Someone unmute me!
Guess it should’ve been me

I would abscond the hardwork
But luck stops to favour

Why am I like this?
Behave like a wasted potential
Long to avoid work altogether
Put on earphones
to abscond reality
Escape the anxiety
Honestly, I am terrified

Which road is right?
The one I am on
Or the one I long to go on
I hope I am not wrong
I wish to do it all
I wish I wasn’t indecisive

Why can’t I be fast-er?
Just learn and earn
Or earn to splurge
Go on that concert
This pandemic hit too hard
Clearly, this feeling is here to last

Am I too greedy?
Or just needy and lonely
Homesick or sick of home
Afraid to break the wall

Is it a lack of passion?
In a mental prison
Mirrors I don’t want to look in
Reminders of this situation I am in
Maybe I should not overthink
Let that feeling sink
Let me live a day at a time
Worry less and smile
Be like the sun
But not always
because moon is not so bad
Maybe its all a trick of my mind
A maze of a beautiful mind
An ocean too deep
Forcing me to weep

Maybe it was the Pandora’s box
That is already open
Now there is no escape
Maybe I am too late

–Apoorva Jindal

I read this poem a 1000 times probably. And though it represents my state of mind at a point in life. I wish I wrote it in a better way. So if anyone who is reading knows any workshop or course or something where I can improve my writing, please let me know. I just need some guidance.

Also, the title is inspired by TS. And wanted to let readers know that last year I wrote a lot of happy stuff and as much as I liked it. I wanted to write sad stuff. Thank god that Taylor Swift for releasing two albums that help me get into the headspace. But everything written is somehow inspired from my life.

Lyrics by Taylor Swift and image via Google

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